we broke up and he got another girl pregnant we broke up and he got another girl pregnant

I dont think hed be right to be furious in many possible scenarios that would still fit what was said in this letter, but there are ones that would which I think would cause justifiable fury. You really have no idea what child support means. In most cases a child has been brought into the world consensually, and so both parents should be obligated to support that child. Our relationship was mostly good until we hit a rough patch towards the last year of our relationship. April 10, 2012, 5:54 pm. If there is no child at conception P.S. doesnt she have friends to tell her just say no to neon macrome?), we judge who our friends date and marry, we judge everything, usually based on what we would do. Those double standards take up too much room. It's good that he's being a responsible father already by supporting them financially. It upsets me how much anger seems to be directed towards this unborn child. If she is a crappy mom the kid will be used to interfer unless she can find some sucker that wont let her. Either way, it sounds like she and this douchenugget guy are made for each other. Whether or not she trapped him is irrelevant, in my opinion. And if you arent ready for a child, then use a goddamn condom. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. Thats true Yankee vernacular. I highly doubt that he wouldve slept with her if he knew how incompatible they are prior to bedtime. anyway, well, I've been discovering that I found out she's pregnant by someone last oct that she met. Homosexual couples dont HAVE to adopt. Pay[ing] for it is responsible, even if its not what the mother of the child, or potentially the child, may initially want. -Exposed you to STIs by going bareback with a woman he cant stand and hes known for two minutes and then coming back to you I accept that its the law, just like its the law that you basically have to get raped by an ultrasound device in Texas in order to get an abortion. It ended because you both were doing your own thing, and you had trust issues. .you can call me whatever you like. Beyond that, no one really cares that he jumped in bed with another woman right after they broke up only to decide that he cant live without her after getting said woman pregnant. SweetsAndBeats They dont see the need to lie about it, Meanwhile, my friends and I who havent gotten HIV all (surprise, surprise!) But in that case, taking the pill you know that youre supposed to use a back up method while on ATB. Go argue with the feminists. lets_be_honest While we both made it, I wanted it and he didnt. And, in fact, there is arguably no way for the woman to actually be 100% certain of her final attitude prior to becoming pregnant. Ive been in the position where I chose to keep my baby when the father wanted to abort. When you give your child up for adoption, you are giving him or her to people who really want a child and are prepared financially and emotionally to give that child support. In this situation, there would be no contest of custody or support. I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. However, a man should have no such option and should be forced to pay (literally and figuratively) for having sex. Really, people. Sad that the life you thought was going to happen when you got back with the BF is going to get messier? So the system is very one sided. Out of all the cries of sexism being thrown back and forth, that to me truly is sexist, assuming that a mother cannot raise a well-adjusted child by herself. I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. But I think shes tried to trap him and hes untrappable.. Well, that part is pretty easy, since its the way things work now. Everyone I know, including myself, that is not ready to have a child uses a condom or doubles up on protection, or makes sure that the pill is taken on damn regular basis. I noticed you dutifully avoided addressing that.. And guess whatthe potential consequences came to life, quite literally for him. Dont ever sleep with someone mean or stupid, because if you get pregnant, youre going to be tied to that person for the rest of your childs life. And I was like, Ewww, Mom, thats gross! But it was great advice, and Ive always followed it. Personally, it doesnt sound like shes trying to trap your untrappable boyfriend into a relationship YOU are trying to trap him, or get rid of him, by telling him he should stay with her because its his kid (and then you go around calling her (the mother of your BFs child) scoat and such very classy)! Im pretty sure we can all agree on that? He ejaculates thats it. I wanted to be the one who had a baby with . In most cases with my clients, the girl is wanting the guy back but the guy is the one who pulled away. No loss there. And as an adult who isnt ready to have children, either, I can empathize with his decision. But you were split up for 2 months and cant bear to live without each other yet he didnt waste any time jumping into bed with someone he barely knows? Stop insulting her and learn to see the situation for what it really is. Paternity laws in this country absolutely suck. Stop this back and forth with him. Of course we have a right to an opinion, even if our opinion is that dirty sluts shouldnt breed. I cant see how anyone would be upset with a man who agrees with that statement and concludes that he has every right to walk away from the whole situation. No. Neither one of THEM created a child. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Oh thank you thank you thank you! You say it takes two to make a baby but somehow its only the man that gets labeled an irresponsible dick. And those young boys and those young boys parents have wages garnished for the next 18 years to pay for the rapists child. Rather than holding him responsible, you have focused on the other women. It could fail. I agree that condoms provide significantly better protection than not wearing anything. I dont care. we were truley in love. Read the comments. Its more than I can handle on a Monday! April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. I try t,o help because I remember when I was young. Yes, he should have realized this was a possibility. If he wore a condom and if she was on the pill, hes an idiot because what? Im not a lawyer, or in any way familiar with the law about these things, so my assumption is based on what a friend told me first hand about his experience. People are calling him scum because hes a guy who doesnt want to become a father to that womans child. I think what you are trying to explain are the two types of custodyover the person and over decision making for the person. No. Hes allowed to not want to be a father! MOA, and wash your hands of the whole thing. Can you blame me for feeling this way? Part of the agreement was they he was to never have any contact with the child. And seriously what is with people having sex with people they cant stand clearly you could stand them long enough to bang them. Because he should have known she could have gotten pregnant! This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. There is no child at conception very good. I have been trying to have a rational conversation with people unfamiliar with reason. am . Thus, her meal is tainted with traces of peanuts. Since most of the people here seem to be pretty strong advocates of womens right to choose, to be treated equally, and so on and I agree with those stances it seems backwards, odd, and a double standard to say that men need to be financially responsible if the woman decides he should be and that they should have no say whatsoever in that. Again, if a woman chooses to have a baby against the fathers stated wishes (and the law of the land says this is completely and totally her choice), then that is her choice. we are making DW history, here, people!!! He also didnt say fine, Ill support you financially, but really I dont wanna be a dada. He said that he would obviously pay but wants nothing to do with the women or the baby. How about getting to know one another really well before having sex? bittergaymark You mean, a man shouldnt be able to decide to throw money at his child, but never once be involved whatsoever in the childs life?. That way you and only YOU get to decide which woman you deign to procreate with. What is he supposed to do to prove hes not scum? Your welcome. Funny, he only came back to you after he found out the other girl was pregnant. As for the STDs nobody is saying that you shouldnt have sex because you could get them, they are saying that if you are going to have unprotected sex, and then sleep with a different person after that, you at the very least owe it to them, to tell them that you did this, and if they ask, you should get tested. Im sorry, but sex creates children. The only thing I can say that no one else has so far is, why would she want to trap this man?! She provided the other half of the set, the construction site, the construction materials, she built the child. so we have a 8mth baby. Its frustrating, but until then, there simply isnt much she can do. My hand felt like someone smacked a block of ice with a hammer. So he and the LW should break up for good. Everyone needs to quit having sex and then saying they hate or cant stand that person. Yes, it takes 2 to tango but she is the one carrying the child and an abortion isnt just an easy thing to do. Steve Kellmeyer lets_be_honest Im not saying he did. Ever since U.S. My biological father, whom Ive never met, responsibly paid child support and didnt confuse me by dropping in and out of my life. Regardless of all my snark, I really hope that if the two of you stay together you dont take your aggravation about the situation out on the child. Cant thank you enough for your response! I dont think Ive ever seen you swear on here before! April 9, 2012, 5:08 pm. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. Makes me wonder if youre happily married like I am, or just a bitter divorcee who clings to feminism and man-hating as a knee jerk reaction of having been wronged. April 9, 2012, 11:41 am. There is no such assumption in this case- its more like handing the baby off to some nice-looking person he met in the grocery store and hoping for the best. Its no excuse but no one will every be able to explain men. The letter implies that the only protection used was the birth control. Then, fine; but you need to consider the possibility of having to deal with this malarkey for the rest of the time you and your boyfriend are together. I vehemently disagree when it is not in that order. I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. I always thought that had to be a mutual decision. April 10, 2012, 7:15 pm. I dont think hes a bad guy for having sex with this other woman, and it was his decision to not use a condom. April 11, 2012, 8:04 am. ColorsOfTheWind sorry lbh this actually doesnt have anything to do with your comment, i agree with you. If the woman wants to abort, then she can, but thats a decision she has to make because its happening inside her own body. This guy sounds like scum. He doesnt have to have a romantic relatioship with her, but if she keeps the baby, and IF he is a real man, then this woman will be in his life for the rest of his, as the child is her child as well as his. And if your original point was that gay men are smart enough to use condoms but that heterosexual couples seem too dumb to do so, that 1M number implies youre wrong. You dont ask women to have abortions unless youre scum. This is a great contrast to Wendys piece about Drew being a great husband/dad. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. I dont want to be too harsh on the LW because emotions are a messy messy thing and Im not at all eloquent when Im upset. bittergaymark LOL What? by Kara Straight May 11, 2018. Because, since you cannot prevent pregnancy and you cannot prevent sexual transmission of disease, I see no other way to look at it. By clicking Sign Up, you agree to our Not me. But hes 40?! I think your anger is severely displaced and I think I know why if you evaluate the situation without being blinded by your inability to live without this guy, you would see that his true character is shining through and its probably not someone you really want to be with. Dont push him to be with this woman. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. Can you elaborate? Why isnt it fair of him to be angry? He was able to find someone else to keep him company. So, in other words, men should only have oral sex no, wait, not even that, because the STD risk remains but that women can have all the se they want, because they have the option of aborting a resulting pregnancy? Out of my 5 closest friends only one isnt a fan. April 9, 2012, 6:25 pm, Jesus fucking christ! only an ass would be furious at anyone other than himself when he becomes obligated to provide for a child that he created.. No clearly this is a brilliant way to be supported for life. But the important thing for you to know, as the mother of a child who may not ever know their biological father, is that your child wont miss what they never had. He doesnt want anything to do with her? lets_be_honest At least, as a woman, you have that option. I do not think he has a duty to be there for the child he never wanted and made it known he did not want to have with time to do something about it. I dont ever remember being heartbroken about not having a father. She barely knows her new boyfriend, yet she's already pregnant with the guy's baby and is forced to plan a future with him. I get owning up to your responsibilities in an unwanted pregnancy, but you cant really think that is going through every non-idiot males mind when he gets ready to have sex. When he didnt come chasing after you when you moved you knew it was over and done with. That is a risk women take. We dont know that she asked for any money. Theres many reasons besides wanting a mans money to not get an abortion. Its not some windfall for women. Males pay a surrogate to carry the tissue blob, or lesbians can carry the tissue blob themselves. And he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. and our All we know is that she wants to have the baby- maybe because shes prepared to be a wonderful parent. So, if she opted for an abortion and he was furious with her for not keeping the baby, would he be scum? Tell him to fuck off; if he couldnt live without you he should have figured it out before impregnating someone he cant stand. Ive done too many drugs and Id never write a letter like this XD. You and the baby are the victims. When he got back together with her, he should have had himself tested for STDs, which hopefully he did. That being said, the LW didnt say whether he was tested so we dont know for sure. Well, now it's been years. There is a chance it isnt his. But the LW could be using selective words to paint him in a certain light, such as replacing upset with furious. So me making it a laid-back scenario is no more absurd than making it a scenario where he a shitty human. April 9, 2012, 1:10 pm. Oh I completely agree! I think she is just trying to trap my man, who is untrappable. Men and women have control over conception on the front end of the decision- and a woman is stuck with the pregnancy. The guy started dating someone else. But it happened. Sure. guys..youre not gonna get anywhere with this one. I mean, he loved the baby mama enough to get erected & to bang her & to just release evrything to make her pregnant, & what the fuck am I thinking?!?!? wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. I dont knowMaybe Im looking at this from the perspective of being an adopted child or having witnessed a friends situation, but I dont think this guy is the worlds worst person like everyone else (but hes still an asshole). I cried and felt so depressed. My Boyfriend Got Another Woman Pregnant & It Changed My Views On Parenthood. And you know, its pretty reprehensible to be calling this other woman a slew of names. Its biology. Oops, it took so long that I thought my post was lost in space. Leaving the issues of the suggested abortion and unprotected sex aside (which have also been beaten over the head on this thread), that was what really struck me as I was looking through these comments. Dream about Boyfriend Got Another Girl Pregnant indicates spiritual renewal and healing. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. So he literally now has to reap what he sows as the consequences of his actions. April 10, 2012, 7:06 pm. I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. And whether you believe its a child at conception or not, its a scientific fact that conception is what, at the very least, leads to life. Not your body, not your choice. I had no idea most women hated it. So, yes, I can see why hed be furious. Birth control isnt full-proof. The crazies on both sides just come crawling out of the woodwork. Hes a real winner. Move forward with your life. But then again the child might be better off without such an jerk as a role model. Everyone is pretty much in agreement there. But I would not for one reason other than the fact that trusting him again would be difficult to do (and that would IMHO b. And he put you in danger of contracting an STD because he failed to use a condom. It's painful to witness when you're still in love with a person, but one of the most common reasons why a person would jump into a new relationship right after a breakup is to mask the pain of it all. Dudes inner-monologue consists of the word Fuck clouded by that ringing noise you get after leaving a concert. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart. Why you waste any time belly aching about how unfair it is, is beyond me. Be responsible for your own bodies and your own choices. The guy had sex with someone who got pregnant. Secondly, as PPs have pointed out, the whole concept of We cant live without one another is f-ed up. Well said I was like, is this letter for real? the whole time I was reading it. If a man has sex with a woman he should be prepared for the possibility that it could result in child support payments. That base of support is crucial for serving the child best. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. If a guy *does not* want to be a father, he shouldnt be having sex with women unless he knows, for sure, they have a similar attitude when it comes unintended pregnancy.. He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. Your boyfriend is 40 effing years old. The pull out method? Ill never in a million years get it. 1970 Mustang Mach I "Synergy Green Pearl"351 Cleveland - Fuel Injection "The Rattle Shaker" Complete nut and bolt rotisserie restoration LESS than 500 miles by C.A.R.S. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. female ele4phant female And finally , yes, I do think he should have some right to what happens to that pregnancy, and yes I do think that trapping someone by getting pregnant is repulsive, and so yes, I can understand his anger at the woman if that is what is happening. Stay with someone he dislikes because she became pregnant? Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. im just annoyed that so many people (at least many of the LWs here) act as if birth control or std prevention isnt something they need to worry about. The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. Women can choose whether to bind a man to support their child without the mans discretion. April 9, 2012, 5:14 pm. Now imagine a bunch of people calling you a scumbag for having the temerity to be angry at your friend, arguing that the situation is of your own making since you should have known this was a possibility when you lent out the car. But it also ought to be her responsibility. I attempt to avoid name calling, but youre not very smart. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. You have no say whatsoever in this situation. Youve seen celebrity clinical psychologist Dr. Sherry Blake, author ofThe Single Married Woman: True Stories of Why Women Feel All Alone in Their Marriages, keep the Braxton sisters calm on the hit showBraxton Family Values. But, the real reason you cant let go is because you feel bad that youve invested 4 years into this relationship hoping it would lead to something, and all you got is heartbreak, and him getting another woman pregnant. iseeshiny If you dont want to potentially end up with a kid with a woman you cant stand, dont have sex with her. Unfortunately, your boyfriend may have gotten another woman pregnant. Thats shitty. Lots of it. Therefore, when having sex with a woman, you must assume that she could get pregnant and could keep it even though you dont want it; or on the flip side, abort it even though you dont want her to. Not exactly. I have a feeling you are going to stay with this guy no matter what (since you would just diiiie without him). If he suddenly decided to emotionally ditch this woman when she was five months pregnant or after the baby was born, Id been singing another tune. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. They are available in bookstores everywhere, and on Amazon, clickHERE! from the letter: I think you handled your situation in the best way possible. Only the woman did. Seven months later he tells you that while you were gone, and in order for him to get over you he met someone else and now shes pregnant. That is lie fed to naive girlfriends/wives. [The most dangerous place on Earth to live is in an American womans womb. Is that pretty much it? female The woman can choose to abort the baby, even in the event the father desperately wants it, and is willing to raise and support it himself. He sounds a bit flakey. reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): A