you couldn't kick jokes you couldn't kick jokes

Let her spell small animals, not big ones, said her mom. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. That night I went to a church meeting and the speaker told us about his humanitarian work. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next? Late one evening, Norms doorbell rang. You couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions written on the heel. I never even listen when you tell me them. Submitted by Sai Gautam, Me: Im going to go skydiving for my 40th birthday. A: A steeping bag. You dont want to be that person who could literally write a book about what you wish you would have said. The plane takes off and the parrot orders a Glenlivet, neat. He picked up a hammer, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound and stepped back. There, the nurse dressed his wound and gave him instructions on how to care for it. As he tried to catch his breath, the passenger said, Im sorry I gave you a joltit was my fault. No, it was mine, the driver said. Sometimes it has vinaigrette or mayonnaise. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.". One day I had to call someone about a late book entitled Dont Forget: Easy Exercises for a Better Memory. These hilarious golf jokes are better than a hole in one. After a brief, fruitless search, he gave up. Check out these up-and-coming Canadian comediansand their best jokes! Im talking to that little jerk on your knee!, Im always struck by the unbridled optimism of conspiracy theorists. Oh look, just put me down for five.Submitted by Kerrie Pont, The prosecutor was relentless as he badgered the witness: What did the accused do when he learned the jewellery was stolen? He did what any honest man would do, said the witness. I can only please one person a day. They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. But I had to call you because Im in awe of his relationship with God. Someone on the other side of the wall screamed, Hey, you jerk! You wont believe these hilarious job ads actually ran! Jenna and Bill are finishing up a dinner date. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? I've only got myshelf to . Looking back, he says, maybe I shouldnt have started with the circumcision.. 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland from Scotland, 64 of the funniest Seinfeld quotes to sum up everyday life During one visit, we were both busy with this task when the phone rang. Thats when youll want to have an arsenal of coy, yet hilarious, comebacks ready in your back pocket. The only reason Im fat is because a tiny body couldnt store all this personality.[Read: How to be funny and make people love your company], 29. So now I got me a wooden peg., When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. Good heavens, the first doctor said to the second, look at that poor crippled fellow., Yeah, answered the second doctor. I kill their plants and I love mischief. I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. You have 30 more years to live.. One thing about Fred, his buddy says to the bartender. 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley Me: Yes. Thanks for the compliment [Read: 20 Smart medieval insults in English that should make a comeback], 48. This is my first day driving a cab. Theres a smartass quote for that. One day, I saw him reach for the glass of dandelion water and stopped him just before he drank from it. 17. When he gets to his hotel room, he feels the bed. Reviewed by Ekua Hagan. "c**tpuffin, "It's always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they're always taking things literally. '", "My grandfather had the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo. Nurse: When? Back on the phone, the guy says, OK, now what?, A turtle is crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails. Submitted by Tim Vine, Q: What do you call twin police officers? "You can't make somebody love you. Why did I have to learn what a rhombus is? The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said Analogue? I said No, just a watch. Submitted by Joni Krats, Working in a library, one of the tasks we have to do twice a week is call patrons about their overdue items. Are you at peace with God?, Larry replies, God and I are tight. Dont blame me for your stupidity, take that up with your mom and dad, 49. In reference to someone's accuracy with a gun. Finally, after wed seen all 20 poses, he asked me which ones I was most interested in. The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, Pull over!, No! the woman yelled back, Cardigan! Reddit.com, I quit my job working for Nike. 80. A friend and I were enjoying a coffee in our local haunt when an acquaintance stopped at our table and said, Hi, Ken. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. -Marilyn Monroe, 38. Relive the history of the world in dumb jokes. Dont miss this collection of the best knock knock jokes for kids. I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. Alexandra Solomon, Ph.D., is an assistant clinical professor in Northwestern Universitys Master of Science in Marriage and Family Therapy program. Mom: Where buy chicken Daughter: Mom, this isnt Google. shein voucher code first order; russ rose salary penn state; bluestacks text not showing; wordle alternative game; what is marco scutaro doing now ._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa{margin-top:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._3EpRuHW1VpLFcj-lugsvP_{color:inherit}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa svg._31U86fGhtxsxdGmOUf3KOM{color:inherit;fill:inherit;padding-right:8px}._3Z6MIaeww5ZxzFqWHAEUxa ._2mk9m3mkUAeEGtGQLNCVsJ{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:18px;color:inherit} My life is a mess, he says. What do you say I just buy the necklace and we forget this ever happened? The manager agrees and writes up a sales slip. Not only is it terrible, its terrible. The wife smiles, and says 'Thank you, that means a lot.'". First, lets make sure hes dead., Theres a silence, then a shot. You know, youre a real jerk when youre drunk, Superman., Every 10 years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. I find it helpful to look at a distinction I use all the time in my clinical work and teaching: intent versus impact. Thats when I realized he was her favourite twin. Youre about to hit a home run and you want to jump in the air and scream yes! because for once you know exactly what to say. ._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq{margin-bottom:8px;position:relative}._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq._3-0c12FCnHoLz34dQVveax{max-height:63px;overflow:hidden}._1zPvgKHteTOub9dKkvrOl4{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:21px;font-weight:400;word-wrap:break-word}._1dp4_svQVkkuV143AIEKsf{-ms-flex-align:baseline;align-items:baseline;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-body);bottom:-2px;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-flow:row nowrap;flex-flow:row nowrap;padding-left:2px;position:absolute;right:-8px}._5VBcBVybCfosCzMJlXzC3{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-bodyText)}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI{position:relative;background-color:0;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);border:0;padding:0 8px}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:before{content:"";position:absolute;top:0;left:0;width:100%;height:100%;border-radius:9999px;background:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText);opacity:0}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:hover:before{opacity:.08}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:focus{outline:none}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:focus:before{opacity:.16}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI._2Z_0gYdq8Wr3FulRLZXC3e:before,._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:active:before{opacity:.24}._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI:disabled,._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI[data-disabled],._3YNtuKT-Is6XUBvdluRTyI[disabled]{cursor:not-allowed;filter:grayscale(1);background:none;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaTextAlpha50);fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaTextAlpha50)}._2ZTVnRPqdyKo1dA7Q7i4EL{transition:all .1s linear 0s}.k51Bu_pyEfHQF6AAhaKfS{transition:none}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK{transition:all .1s linear 0s;display:block;background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);border-radius:4px;padding:8px;margin-bottom:12px;margin-top:8px;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-canvas);cursor:pointer}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK:focus{outline:none}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK:hover{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._2qi_L6gKnhyJ0ZxPmwbDFK._3GG6tRGPPJiejLqt2AZfh4{transition:none;border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}.IzSmZckfdQu5YP9qCsdWO{cursor:pointer;transition:all .1s linear 0s}.IzSmZckfdQu5YP9qCsdWO ._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq{border:1px solid transparent;border-radius:4px;transition:all .1s linear 0s}.IzSmZckfdQu5YP9qCsdWO:hover ._1EPynDYoibfs7nDggdH7Gq{border:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-button);padding:4px}._1YvJWALkJ8iKZxUU53TeNO{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 ._3jyKpErOrdUDMh0RFq5V6f{-ms-flex:100%;flex:100%}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 .dqhlvajEe-qyxij0jNsi0{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button)}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 ._12nHw-MGuz_r1dQx5YPM2v,._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 .dqhlvajEe-qyxij0jNsi0{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;cursor:pointer;-ms-flex-item-align:end;align-self:flex-end;-webkit-user-select:none;-ms-user-select:none;user-select:none}._3adDzm8E3q64yWtEcs5XU7 ._12nHw-MGuz_r1dQx5YPM2v{color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);margin-right:8px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-errorText)}._3zTJ9t4vNwm1NrIaZ35NS6{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;line-height:21px;font-weight:400;word-wrap:break-word;width:100%;padding:0;border:none;background-color:transparent;resize:none;outline:none;cursor:pointer;color:var(--newRedditTheme-bodyText)}._2JIiUcAdp9rIhjEbIjcuQ-{resize:none;cursor:auto}._2I2LpaEhGCzQ9inJMwliNO,._42Nh7O6pFcqnA6OZd3bOK{display:inline-block;margin-left:4px;vertical-align:middle}._42Nh7O6pFcqnA6OZd3bOK{fill:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);height:16px;width:16px;margin-bottom:2px} Our words and actions can have the impact of feeling hurtful to our partner without us having the intention of being hurtful. Concerned, their parents took them to a psychiatrist. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, The Innate Intelligence Observed in the Dying Process. Its torturous. Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards? @dadsaysjokes, If I were Maria in The Sound of Music and I heard them sing How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria at my wedding, I would be like, Why are you singing that mean song about me, and why do all of you know it? ._1aTW4bdYQHgSZJe7BF2-XV{display:-ms-grid;display:grid;-ms-grid-columns:auto auto 42px;grid-template-columns:auto auto 42px;column-gap:12px}._3b9utyKN3e_kzVZ5ngPqAu,._21RLQh5PvUhC6vOKoFeHUP{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._21RLQh5PvUhC6vOKoFeHUP:before{content:"";margin-right:4px;color:#46d160}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK,._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{display:inline-block;word-break:break-word}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK{font-weight:500}._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK,._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{font-size:12px;line-height:16px}._244EzVTQLL3kMNnB03VmxK{font-weight:400;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-metaText)}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin-top:13px;margin-bottom:2px}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO ._22W-auD0n8kTKDVe0vWuyK{font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px;margin-right:4px;margin-left:4px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-actionIcon)}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y{border-radius:4px;box-sizing:border-box;height:21px;width:21px}._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y:nth-child(2),._2xkErp6B3LSS13jtzdNJzO .je4sRPuSI6UPjZt_xGz8y:nth-child(3){margin-left:-9px} Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the trip. Winston Churchill, 36. Theyre full of small bells.. [Read: 19 life quotes to motivate you to live a better life], 23. It's stopped twerking. A carrot. Between you and me, something smells. I dressed up my dog as a mailman for Halloween. Thats my twin sister. Two men were driving home one night when one asked the other to check if the cars indicators are working. Laughfactory.com, Anyone want to buy some exercise equipment? 25 of the most textbook Alan Partridge quotes When Chuck Norris comes to your house he breaks your tooth and takes your money. Wow these drinks are big!, The bartender replies, Everything is big in Texas.. Sometimes, people just need to be told. 78. . Some days you eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. Dont stick around for follow ups because youll lose the power. 49 of Monty Pythons funniest jokes Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Submitted by Adam J. Smargon, Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank? A cornfield. He got out three times to go to the bathroom., When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.Henry Youngman, A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. I steal food from humans. I turned to a man who had been waiting alongside me the whole time and said, Sir, how long have you been waiting?, He looked at his watch and said, Since last year. Misir Doobay, Toronto. The next day, Norm went to see his doctor to have his bruised eye examined. Now, congratulate yourself by all means but do it silently. I couldnt help noticing how happy you look, she said. In other words, how many chicken does it take to change a light bulb? Says the chicken, Sorry, but thats the subject of another joke.Submitted by Gary Johnston. As my mate's best man, I tried to set up a brewery visit for his stag weekend. Later, they order an other round. My computer's got the Miley virus. Friend making bad life choices? Why do we tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast. What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards? Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car. The feel-good session ended when I read the fortune cookie: You will soon be reunited with a good friend. Stanley Heerboth, My wife does this cute thing now and then where she goes out shopping for next years yard sale items. @cravin4. Submitted by Joyce Tenhage, A friend who had just turned 50, and couldnt quite deal with that fact, was wearing a T-shirt that said, Im not 50! Submitted byLucinda Rajaselvan, The police are called to an apartment and find a woman standing over a lifeless man, holding a bent and twisted five-iron. Learn them and youll never have that I wish Id said that moment again! ", "I was wondering, why does a Frisbee appear larger the closer it gets? The jury comes back with the verdict. Id like to start with the chimney jokes Ive got a stack of them. Is someone being a total dick and youre at a loss for what to say? None, I replied. 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier Mr. One turned to my father and said, Do yall put manure on your strawberries? My dad smiled, then responded, I dont know how you do things where you come from, but up here we put sugar and cream on our berries. Submitted by Stacey Hebert. How are you feeling? she asks. Those are the umlauts.Submitted by David Wong, While going through his deceased fathers things, a man found a 25-year-old claim stub for a shoe repair. 27 brilliantly funny quotes from This Country Have you popped into that new coffee shop across the street yet? asks one. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. ' Tim Vine, I have kleptomania. This isnt my child. GCFL.net, A skeleton walks into a bar. If you ran as much as you ran your mouth, youd be in great shape., 43. Well, said her husband to the shaken pastor when all the commotion ending, shes there.Submitted by Norm Schmitz, One friend complains to another, All my husband and I do any more is fight. I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. '", "Why did the old woman fall into the well? But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist climbed to the top of the pile, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. George ignored her and walked away. This moment of friction gifts you access into your partners interior, their map of pain points and insecurities, as well as insights into your own patterns and beliefs. Submitted by Eric Lyden, I went to the butchers the other day and bet him $50 that he couldnt reach the meat on the top shelf. Your secrets are always safe with me. Couldn't find his way through a maze even if the rats helped him. Making this distinction can help us make amends. I approached the speaker and placed my order: a Big Mac, large fries and a chocolate shake. /*# sourceMappingURL=https://www.redditstatic.com/desktop2x/chunkCSS/TopicLinksContainer.3b33fc17a17cec1345d4_.css.map*/, A standard British one is "You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery.". When he touches it, a genie comes forth. Whats it called? When tea was served, the Queen removed her cup from her saucer. But hay its in my jeans. The woman responded, Shes a dentist. GCFL.net, A woman walked up to an elderly man rocking in a chair on his porch. He rubs it and instantly, a genie appears. ' @woodyluvscoffee. All you need to do is take seven lemons, squeeze the juice into a glass and drink the juice. Will that cleanse my sin from me? No, but itll wipe that stupid smile off your face.Submitted by Edward F. Castellanos, You wont be able to un-see these funny stock photos. $18.49 $ 18. She glares at the other little boy and asks, What do you want for breakfast? What are you doing? the baffled psychiatrist asked. I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs. Wow, thats incredible, the doctor says. 79. Whether youre looking to tell it like it is, or offer someone a confusing truth about human behavior, these quotes to live by are sure to help you out. The floors are so shiny you can see your antennae in them. ' @brotigupta, Under quarantine, marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law. You could break a ball bearing with a rubber mallet. So I gave him all the money I had. What are you doing? Counting your ribs.Submitted by William Halliday. 50 of Tim Vines most ingenious jokes and one-liners If you're loving these science jokes, you'll get a kick out of these math jokes too. These breads puns will come in handy the next time you feel like loafing around. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, Not guilty. The defendant leaps to his feet. Check out thesefunny political quotes you cant help but laugh at. And what about your strengths? Im Batman.Anonymous, After security tackles you on the red carpet? I laughed at all of your jokes My love you didn't need to coax Oh, Maggie, I couldn't have tried anymore . Thats the day when I take out the garbage., 16. My Uncle G: Youre going to pay $500 to jump out of a perfectly good plane? It can be a shared little world of private jokes, silly characters, and inside jokes that build trust and bring you closer to each other. 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep. Submitted by Andre Batista. God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time. Robin Williams, 5. ._3oeM4kc-2-4z-A0RTQLg0I{display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;-ms-flex-pack:justify;justify-content:space-between} My father-in-law calmly shook his head. At one point during the road test, he approached a four-way stop, looked to his left, and cruised straight through the stop sign. Then it dawned on me. 14. Two weeks after I had photos taken of my baby, I returned to the studio to view the pictures on a colour monitor. Where are average things manufactured? Some days you eat salads and go to the gym. ", "I don't know, but the flag's a big plus. What other woman? Adam shot back. Theres just one condition. There, on the front cover, was a red circle around my misspelled name. Exit signs? You'll walk away feeling victorious! I want to provide you with some questions to invite reflection and conversation. He was a tackling dummy. A receding hare-line. .FIYolDqalszTnjjNfThfT{max-width:256px;white-space:normal;text-align:center} $10 fine. More jokes: 31 Best Man speech jokes that will work for any wedding 28 Star Wars jokes that will make you laugh . ), I was driving when I first saw the flash of a traffic camera. After several readings, I couldnt find my mistake. Theres no menu, you only get what you deserve. What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?. ': Messages reveal frantic hours after Hancock affair story breaks, When the cost of living payments could be paid in 2023, and how much people will get, The golden health rules GPs live by, including why you should ditch your weekend lie-ins, Liverpool plan to be ruthless in 'biggest rebuild for a generation', How many episodes of The Last of Us there are and when the series ends, Instagram midwife faces misconduct hearing over racially offensive posts, 'The man is a narcissist': Tories despair as 'bully' Boris Johnson threatens Sunak's new start, Rafael Violy: Architect behind London's infamous Walkie Talkie building dies aged 78, Do not sell or share my personal information. We missed the R! Couldn't organise a blow-job in a brothel. Are you looking for some funny kids football jokes? 20 of The Young Ones most gloriously silly quotes Tig Notaro, comedian. Seated at the bar was a fine-looking lady of a certain age. Got anything less expensive?Submitted by Rosemary Covert, Snake 1: Are we poisonous? Soccer was the first sport that many of us tried. Last New Years Eve, I finished work and raced to catch the bus, but by 12:10 it still hadnt come, so I figured Id likely missed it. He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held in a locked vault. Later they get together. When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live. Tap To Copy. Sharri82 5 yr. ago. New to Amazon. ._38lwnrIpIyqxDfAF1iwhcV{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);border:none;height:1px;margin:16px 0}._37coyt0h8ryIQubA7RHmUc{margin-top:12px;padding-top:12px}._2XJvPvYIEYtcS4ORsDXwa3,._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE{border-radius:100%;box-sizing:border-box;-ms-flex:none;flex:none;margin-right:8px}._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE{background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:100%;height:54px;width:54px;font-size:54px;line-height:54px}._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4,.icon._2Vkdik1Q8k0lBEhhA_lRKE._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4{filter:blur()}.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M,.icon.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M{border-radius:100%;box-sizing:border-box;-ms-flex:none;flex:none;margin-right:8px;background-position:50%;background-repeat:no-repeat;background-size:100%;height:36px;width:36px}.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4,.icon.eGjjbHtkgFc-SYka3LM3M._1uo2TG25LvAJS3bl-u72J4{filter:blur()}._3nzVPnRRnrls4DOXO_I0fn{margin:auto 0 auto auto;padding-top:10px;vertical-align:middle}._3nzVPnRRnrls4DOXO_I0fn ._1LAmcxBaaqShJsi8RNT-Vp i{color:unset}._2bWoGvMqVhMWwhp4Pgt4LP{margin:16px 0;font-size:12px;font-weight:400;line-height:16px}.icon.tWeTbHFf02PguTEonwJD0{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:top}._2AbGMsrZJPHrLm9e-oyW1E{width:180px;text-align:center}.icon._1cB7-TWJtfCxXAqqeyVb2q{cursor:pointer;margin-left:6px;height:14px;fill:#dadada;font-size:12px;vertical-align:middle}.hpxKmfWP2ZiwdKaWpefMn{background-color:var(--newCommunityTheme-active);background-size:cover;background-image:var(--newCommunityTheme-banner-backgroundImage);background-position-y:center;background-position-x:center;background-repeat:no-repeat;border-radius:3px 3px 0 0;height:34px;margin:-12px -12px 10px}._20Kb6TX_CdnePoT8iEsls6{-ms-flex-align:center;align-items:center;display:-ms-flexbox;display:flex;margin-bottom:8px}._20Kb6TX_CdnePoT8iEsls6>*{display:inline-block;vertical-align:middle}.t9oUK2WY0d28lhLAh3N5q{margin-top:-23px}._2KqgQ5WzoQRJqjjoznu22o{display:inline-block;-ms-flex-negative:0;flex-shrink:0;position:relative}._2D7eYuDY6cYGtybECmsxvE{-ms-flex:1 1 auto;flex:1 1 auto;overflow:hidden;text-overflow:ellipsis}._2D7eYuDY6cYGtybECmsxvE:hover{text-decoration:underline}._19bCWnxeTjqzBElWZfIlJb{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px;display:inline-block}._2TC7AdkcuxFIFKRO_VWis8{margin-left:10px;margin-top:30px}._2TC7AdkcuxFIFKRO_VWis8._35WVFxUni5zeFkPk7O4iiB{margin-top:35px}._1LAmcxBaaqShJsi8RNT-Vp{padding:0 2px 0 4px;vertical-align:middle}._2BY2-wxSbNFYqAy98jWyTC{margin-top:10px}._3sGbDVmLJd_8OV8Kfl7dVv{font-family:Noto Sans,Arial,sans-serif;font-size:14px;font-weight:400;line-height:21px;margin-top:8px;word-wrap:break-word}._1qiHDKK74j6hUNxM0p9ZIp{margin-top:12px}.Jy6FIGP1NvWbVjQZN7FHA,._326PJFFRv8chYfOlaEYmGt,._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj,._1cDoUuVvel5B1n5wa3K507{-ms-flex-pack:center;justify-content:center;margin-top:12px;width:100%}._1eMniuqQCoYf3kOpyx83Jj{margin-bottom:8px}._2_w8DCFR-DCxgxlP1SGNq5{margin-right:4px;vertical-align:middle}._1aS-wQ7rpbcxKT0d5kjrbh{border-radius:4px;display:inline-block;padding:4px}._2cn386lOe1A_DTmBUA-qSM{border-top:1px solid var(--newCommunityTheme-widgetColors-lineColor);margin-top:10px}._2Zdkj7cQEO3zSGHGK2XnZv{display:inline-block}.wzFxUZxKK8HkWiEhs0tyE{font-size:12px;font-weight:700;line-height:16px;color:var(--newCommunityTheme-button);cursor:pointer;text-align:left;margin-top:2px}._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0._3R24jLERJTaoRbM_vYd9v0{display:none}.yobE-ux_T1smVDcFMMKFv{font-size:16px;font-weight:500;line-height:20px}._1vPW2g721nsu89X6ojahiX{margin-top:12px}._pTJqhLm_UAXS5SZtLPKd{text-transform:none} Selling doors, door-to-door. Bill Bailey. If Im a sarcastic asshole when I talk to you, its either because I really like you and feel comfortable teasing you, or I really hate you and dont care if you know it. It was a long, dramatic, drawn-out way of telling us to shut-up. Me: Do you think this is the right career for you? You could read it as "seriously" or as "a joke didn't walk into the . Hes only got little legs. short for? Its better to be late than to arrive ugly. Marilyn Monroe, 24. . Today isnt your day. Just cock your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this.. Check out 30 New Years jokes that will have you laughing out loud. These smartass quotes about breakups are sure to help you out. Never trust atoms. If anything, it made him more sluggish. and Photobombed. Press J to jump to the feed. As they hurtle towards the ground, the parrot says to the terrified man, Wow, that took a lot of guts for a guy with no wings.Anonymous. These are the funniest lawyer jokes of all time. My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. Ye gads, matey, says Morty. Good news, he said. Submitted by Barthelemy Petro. PostedJune 30, 2019 25 of Peter Kays most ingenious jokes and one-liners Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. So whats the most effective way to get out your frustrations while still coming off like the lovable stud/studette that you are? ._2cHgYGbfV9EZMSThqLt2tx{margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{width:75%;height:24px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-,._3Q7WCNdCi77r0_CKPoDSFY{background:var(--newCommunityTheme-field);background-size:200%;margin-bottom:16px;border-radius:4px}._2wgLWvNKnhoJX3DUVT_3F-{width:100%;height:46px} And how long has it been since your last confession?, I was playing chess with my friend and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess.Matt Kirshen, A man comes to Mrs. Smiths door and says, Theres been an accident at the brewery. Thats just how I roll. The man stands up, clears his throat, and says 'Plethora. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as hes dialing, his four-year-old son comes up and says, Daddy! Love is grand, until it isnt. A: Lavion rose. I normally have to run to catch the 11:30 bus. I figured that my picture had been taken for speeding, even though I knew I wasnt. He says to the man, "We're going to have to give you a drug test.". I want to achieve it by not dying. Woody Allen, The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard for long hours. As they are walking out of the restaurant, Jenna starts to rifle through her purse to find her keys.